Day one. Again.

So I started this over 2 years ago now and only made two posts. I think my blog before was more of a pity party. I still have those sometimes, but I have now changed the name of my blog and am attempting to track my weight loss journey.
So a little about me now. That job I said I was quitting 2 years ago..which I didn't even remember saying I quit until I reread that post..well I'm still there. I don't love the job, I no longer have a crush on the boy I mentioned works there, but it is a convenient job and gives me a good excuse to come home on the weekends and ensures that I am not poor. I still dislike university. If I could just live there and not go to class and not have homework then I might like it more, but that's not university is it?
I am overweight. However not as overweight as I used to be. If I recall correctly at my heaviest I weighed just over 280. Huge I know. No wonder I had boy problems. Ok, I still have boy problems, but the boy problems were really confidence problems, which are improving, and the boy problems are slightly improving. I am still a virgin. I am 20, less than 2 months away from 21. Is this pathetic? I feel a little pathetic. I know I could lose it if I wanted to (I do want to, just not with any of the offers that are currently presented), but I waited this long, might as well wait til it means something.
Sorry, weight loss..back on track. I after my first year at uni, I worked in a factory for the summer. I lost about 20 pounds. During the next school year I gained 10 of them back. After second year I went back to the factory. I lost about 30 pounds. I also started tanning, and finally when I looked in the mirror, many times I was not disgusted by what I saw. People always said I have a pretty face, and then that was where it stopped. I am now getting comments like "beautiful", "gorgeous" etc. This is so new to me.
If you couldn't follow all that math, at the end of the summer my weight was approx. 242. I have only gained back a few pounds and when I stepped on the scale this morning it read 246. I have tried many forms of dieting. The most common being the "see it" diet..you know, you see it, you eat it. Trust me, don't try that one unless your goal is to gain incredible amounts of weight. The next most common actual diet was just the typical salads, no sweets etc..that works ok but gets boring and I miss yummy treats. I have also attempted the Dukan Diet. You eat nothing but protein for a week or so, then get to switch it up with vegetables every other day. In theory it sounds great because the foods they list you can consume in unlimited quantities, however in practice the "protein only" days turn into "I can't eat just protein and I'm starving" days. It is especially difficult when no one is doing it along with you. I don't even think I made it through the first week on that one.
My eating habits are horrible. I either binge on everything bad, or I don't eat at all except for some late night snacks.
Now more than ever I am motivated to lose more weight, more importantly however I am motivated to not gain any back. Jeans were always so difficult to find that fit me. In high school I believe I wore a size 24. Wow that's really sad when it's laid right out there in front of you. For many years I was a steady 22. Recently dropping to a 20. I was at Old Navy this past week and thought I would test their pants out, even though they only went to an 18. My expectations were incredibly low. I put my leg in and they felt a little snug, pulled them up and zippered no problem. Needless to say they are now mine and are my favorite pants now. I fit in a 18. Wow.
I have no time or desire to go to the gym. As a big girl I feel everyone looking at me thinking "you should have been here ages ago, look at you". The whole purpose of this blog is because I need to talk to someone, but hate actually talking to people about your weight.
Desperate not to blow up again, I looked into diet supplements. On Ebay I found a pill called Lipozin, no not Lipozene. It claims to be a maximum strength fat burner, natural appetite suppressant and metabolism booster. I received the pills this week and today is the second day I am taking them. You take 3 pills a day, one a half hour before eating with a glass of water. Maybe its in my head but if it works I'll take it, I actually feel full and don't have many cravings. I eat because I need to, not of boredom or whatever other reasons I was consuming so much. Last night for supper I had a small chicken breast and a bit of salad, and when I was done I felt satisfied. I didn't even have the late night munchies last night. Mum was eating some pita chips and I had 1. 1 chip and walked away. When have I ever done that and not craved more? I think the answer is never! I realize I can't stay on pills for the rest of my life. But if I can drop a few more pounds, and get my eating habits under control and in a routine, then I don't think I will need them forever.
This was a very long first post. I apologize. Leave me a comment and let me know someone is reading.. also if you have any diet tips, tricks and experiences let me know! Or if your blog is similar to this leave me the address. I am always open to trying new things, especially if they help your figure! Happy blogging everyone and thanks for reading!!

Day Seven. Post Two.

No, you're not crazy, I jumped from day one to day seven. And I know I said in my last post that I was going to try to do this everyday, but that is quite difficult, so I think my revised goal is at least once a week.

The week has gone well since my last post, many last minute scrambles for assignments, but nothing to catastrophic has happened..yet. Psych mid term tomorrow evening could change that, since the best mark I've heard that anyone's got on it yet is a 70%. But hey, I'm smart and got a 75% in IB Chem last year without studying at all, so let's see..If I never blog again, it's because the mid term was the death of me.

Only two more weekends and I am done working until Christmas time. I'm super happy and depressed about it all at the same time. On one hand, I get to go home and actually relax, do some work and enjoy my family. On the other hand, I kind of really like a guy from work, even though he has a woman I can't help myself, and now I'll hardly get to see him. I wont go into gushy details about how I feel about him, and I am definitely not the kind of girl to try and split them up, I just cross my fingers and toes that things go sour naturally.

Also, is it natural for someone to want to get rid of their virginity like it's an STI or something? Cause at this age I just feel like it's something I shouldn't have, but I can't seem to find a way to get rid of it. As I mentioned, guys that I like either have women, or arn't interested in me in the first place.

I also throw up on a daily basis, no I'm not bulimic, but I have a very nervous stomach, and even if my head is telling me nothing is wrong, my stomach tells me other wise. I don't want to go on nerve pills or anything cause that puts this "crazy lady that can't handle the pressures" label on me and that's not who I want to be. But I can't sleep through the night without waking up and gagging, going back to bed and getting up at six am, and throwing up. This morning made three mornings in a row that this happened, usually it happens on weekends when I have to go back to uni and then sometimes through the week while I'm here. I cry over stupid things, I used to be this really strong person and now it's just like I'm crumbling away into gravel.

Well, thanks for reading and as always, please feel free to ask any questions or leave any comments.
Have a swell day!

Day One.

Hello All.
So to begin, a bit about me and why I started blogging.
I need some sort of record of my days, they are going by too fast and it's as if they don't happen.
I started university this fall, and its half way through the second month already. I can't promise a post everyday, but as close to it as possible.
I'm an 18 year old female, trying to make it through these five or six years of hell so that I don't have to be a dead beat stuck at a job I hate and that goes no where for my whole life, If I thought there was another way to make that not happen I would have chosen it.
I live for Thursdays when I can go home, and fortunately in three weeks I can just go home and really spend time with my family, as I quit my weekend job.
I have some guy problems but who doesn't, but that will probably be something you'll hear about from me. I have a terrible problem with being attracted to guys who already have girlfriends, unfortunately I begin to like them before I learn they're off limits.
Please feel free to make comments and let me know you're following, I would hate to think that I write to absolutely no one. Have a fantastic day and enjoy life as much as possible!